HONESTY HOUR #3: UNIVERSITY

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I wanted to write something about my university experience this week. From sixth form I felt forced into going to university. I always felt like there was no choice into where I could go with myself. I feel like in sixth form they never give you choice it's always just forced upon you that you should go to university. Lots of people want to go there but sometimes it's just not for everyone. I was struggling upon what I wanted to do. I've always wanted to help people, so my course selection kind of stemmed from there. I was mulling over Midwifery, Psychology and Counselling or Forensic Psychology. I finally decided with my past experience the best way of helping people would be to get some insight into counselling. I therefore chose to do Psychology and Counselling at The University of Northampton. 

In my A-level's I got an A in Psychology, a B in Sociology and a C in Health and Social care. That is a total of 300 UCAS points. My course wanted 300-320 UCAS points to get on so I was in a good position to getting on my chosen course. I made it, I've now dropped out. Oh how life changes... There's always a reason for things to happen though. Maybe better things are going to come along, who knows? I was not happy doing what I was doing. I'm very family orientated and I love being close with my family. My boyfriend was also 3 hours away in a car and on train also. I was so far away from all the people I loved. 

I went to uni with my best friend. I also shared a flat with her, I couldn't have had a better person to share my uni experience with. We was in a bedsit kind of thing. I found it hard to make friends there, I'm really not the type to go out drinking. That is literally the focus of uni for most students to go out and get drunk. My Mum always asks me had I shared with other people and just not one person, my best friend, would I have enjoyed it more? The answer for me is no... I think a lot of the things I didn't enjoy was down to the wrong course and being away from people I loved.

My Mum was so proud of me when I got accepted to go to university, I knew she would be. What Mum wouldn't be proud of their child going to university? I felt like so many people would be disappointed in me for my option to drop out. However, it just wasn't for me. I really did not believe in my course at all. The main focus of my course was Psychology and the first year of Psychology and Counselling was just so repetitive. I'd learn the same things over and over. In one of my seminars a week I would have no idea what my lecturer was talking about. It became hard and I felt so dumb. 

Then it comes to the counselling part of my course. I hated it. Something I thought I'd love and I'd end up doing later in life as a career, I hated. That's so hard to handle. Thinking something is your dream and realising otherwise. I felt so awkward in the role play sessions where we had to put the skills to use we learnt. I just felt like it was all so fake I didn't see how it could help someone. I know for some people it's great and it works. Doing something as a job that you don't believe in though? Surely you need to be passionate. Forever is a long time to be doing what I was going to be doing. I had to put my happiness as priority. So now I'm in debt and unemployed! Hurrahhhh! I do joke but things can only look up!

I do have a back up plan, I wouldn't have left uni if I didn't know what I was going to do with myself. I'm currently looking for a job and this is why I thought I'd take up blogging. I wanted a hobby of some sort so here I am telling you my life story I guess, ha! I'm going to apply for Midwifery at Sheffield Hallam, somewhere closer to home for 2015 entries as I can't apply for entry this year. So here's my university experience. Obviously everyone does not have the same experience! This is just my point of view and how things worked out for me. I'd just like to say The University of Northampton is so lovely. It's such a nice campus with a lovely environment. It really is a beautiful university, just it's not for me I guess and that's fine. 

IF YOU ENJOYED THIS YOU MAY ALSO ENJOY: HONESTY HOUR #2: PARENTS

CURRENT FAVOURITES: NAIL POLISH

So as we've been having the loveliest of weather recently I thought a post on what I've been putting on my nails may be of some use to somebody somewhere. I know I'll probably write this post and the sunny weather won't be so sunny... I live in England, nothing more is to be expected. The heats still up around the 20C mark but it's cloudy. Who said you can't have bright nails on cloudy days? Not me.

MODELS OWN HYPERGELS NAIL POLISH IN PINK VENEER//SUPEDRUG/BOOTS//£5.00

The first nail polish is by Models Own in Pink Veneer. I was looking for a baby pink with this polish but when I bought it and put it on my nails it came out way brighter than I'd hoped. I do love wearing it but with it being a brighter pink I'm kind of disappointed with it. However, I can imagine this being lovely to show off a tan. Being the palest person ever I feel it makes my hands look a little more darker than what they actually are which is always nice!

ESSIE NAIL POLISH MINT CANDY APPLE//SUPERDRUG/BOOTS//£7.99

Here's the second nail polish by Essie this one is in Mint Candy Apple. I love the Essie nail polish brushes they seem to be so chunky and cover the whole nail. This is so helpful so you don't have to keep going back to the same nail to fully cover it. I adore the colour of this one. I was looking for a mint colour and this is super! I'm into pastels as you may be able to tell ha. I got this bad boy on a 3 for 2 offer, I would not, personally, go out of my way to spend £7.99 on nail polish if it was a normal day.

NYC EXPERT LAST NAIL POLISH LAVENDER CUPCAKES 257/SUPERDRUG//£2.49

This is the perfect lilac colour by NYC in Lavenders Cupcakes, I love it. On the nails it looks so girly and cute. I find these NYC nail polishes last a while on the nails. This is a great thing as they come in it £2.49 which is a bargain if the polish is going to last. I like to put this one on when I'm planning on painting flowers onto my nails. These NYC polishes come in so many different shades which is great as they're so cheap. 

RIMMEL 60 SECONDS RITA ORA NAIL POLISH IN PILLOW TALK//BOOTS/SUPERDRUG//£3.69

I am such a fan of Rita Ora and got way too excited when she announced she was going to be bringing out a Rimmel collection. So I was wanting to try one of these Rimmel Nail Polishes for quite a while. I picked up the colour Pillow Talk, this one is a baby blue colour with a bit of shimmer to it. I absolutely adore it, the Rita Ora collection has some great pastel shades on offer if you're interested in grabbing one! Also, as it says it is meant to dry in 60 seconds I can inform you that it really doesn't take that long on a whole to dry. We all love to get on with life after we've painted our nails!

What colours are you loving wearing on your nails at the moment?

HONESTY HOUR #2: PARENTS

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I'm trying to get these up every week on a Tuesday. I've been thinking what to write about this week. Obviously last week was my journey with anxiety. It wasn't in much detail but if you want to read about it, you can do so, here. These blog posts are pretty open so it's hard for me to want to pour my heart out on certain areas of my life. I never want these posts to come across like "oh feel sorry for me!". It's really not a case of that I just want everyone to know, you can get through anything.

This week I guess I shall talk about my experience with an absent parent. My Dad left at the age of about 9 years old. He moved away abroad. I have rarely seen him for the last 10 years. When I have I've probably seen him for 10 hours total a year or every 2 years. At first we spoke every night on MSN. Now from the previous sentence you can tell that was quite a while ago, ha! Then it went to nothing... Sometimes I'd email him to see how he was doing. I guess deep down I missed him but everyday life, I could cope. It sounds sad, but now I've learnt to live without him. I've had to cope with not seeing him once in the past 4 years, I've had to learn.

My Mum has never swayed my opinion on my Dad. She's never once spoken about him in a negative way. I mean if it was my ex husband and he'd done what he'd done I'd have to bite my tongue so many times. She let me make my own mind up before sharing her opinions. Me and my Mum became so close in the year of 2013 when I was experiencing serious bouts of anxiety. She supported me so much and she was always there when I needed to cry about it all. My Dad didn't really have any idea what was going on. I had so much frustration, anger and resentment held towards him it was hard to even want to talk to him via Facebook.

It comes to my current situation now, I'm 19, my Dad is back in England, back in my home town. I'm currently not having contact with him face to face. I am trying my hardest to get the courage and enthusiasm to go and see him and to build a relationship. It's hard when you feel like someone is a total stranger... I always say to my Mum, if the opportunity to see him is there and I don't, I know if anything ever happened to him, god forbid it does, I'd regret not seeing him. That's where my fight comes from for me to go and see him. It's still a massive work in progress...

I know though I'll do it. I know I'll be brave enough. Humans can get through anything and I keep remembering this when my down days come where this whole situation overwhelms me.

IF YOU ENJOYED THIS YOU MAY ALSO ENJOY: HONESTY HOUR #1: MY JOURNEY

OOTD #1

BLACK RINSE JAMIE JEANS//TOPSHOP//£40.00

This was just a quick outfit I threw together, I wasn't going anywhere. I did however want to get dressed and look presentable as my boyfriend was coming round. So here I am sporting black Jamie jeans from Topshop. These set me back £38.00. They're so comfy and a great fit that they're worth it.

LEAPORD PRINT SHEER SHIRT//PRIMARK//£5.00 (not displayed on website)

This photo captures my inner sass! Weve all got the inner diva who is fighting to come out. I adore lepord print, I've no idea why. Maybe I was a feisty feline in my past life who knows! I like to think I was something fierce. Anyway, this is a blouse from Primark. I don't think they have it anymore as I grabbed this on sale for a bargain price of £5.00.

COAT//H&M//£35.00 (not displayed on website/alternative)

BOWLER BAG//ASOS//£19.00?

Now it was a little colder the day I threw this outfit together. If I were to have gone out I'd have slung my coat on from H&M, I think this came in at around the £35.00 mark, I'm wanting to say. I absolutly love this coat, the fit is gorgeous. I have a problem with coats adding a stone to my appearance this one doesn't do this, praise! My bag is my everyday bag. Its a bowler bag from ASOS. I believe I got this for around £25.00. I am such a bag snob, I know what I want with the bag I have. It has to have organisation as in compartments so I know where my goods are. More to come on my bag soon.

FAVOURITE QUOTES

I found all of these quotes whilst looking through my Pinterest boards for my favourites. Some have stuck with me but others I've stumbled upon again. I've either admired the beauty of the words or some just say it so simply I couldn't put it better myself, ha! If you'd like to follow me on Pinterest you can do so by finding me here or my username is vanessalx

I honestly believe this speaks for itself. Time heals everything, I can promise that. I've experienced time healing before and I'm so grateful I waited things out and continued to hope. One day things will always get better. I think you have to have bad days in order to appreciate the good days.

The best kind of love in my opinion is when you don't know it's going to hit you like it does. I was never looking for the relationship I'm currently in and it was such a random time that it happened. I think it's fate that me and my boyfriend came together. I may blog about how we met one day soon, ha! I was really not expecting to meet him though or even fall in love with him but I have done and he's the greatest.

This is kind of self explanatory as why it's one of my favourites. I guess this is kind of just saying don't have a care in the world what peoples opinions are of what you're planning to do. This is so relevant right now to me. I've currently only just dropped out of uni and I'm getting thrown peoples opinions on what I should do with my life left, right and centre. It is fairly annoying sometimes they have my best interest at heart but, I get somebody asking me near enough every day. Maybe I'll do a post on my uni experience for those interested.

This is a quote that has stuck with me ever since I've read it. I love it, so simple and straight to the point. I've been through some hard stuff in my 19 years and this helps me to continue no matter what's in the future. Without the rain or bad things there will be no flowers or great things to come. 

This is also highly relevant at the moment. I'm having some ongoing issues in my life with certain people. I know they think they've done nothing wrong and I know they have. They got annoyed when I told them the truth about how I feel about their behaviour but like this says, just be careful of your actions. 

This applies to so many people, boys and girls. People are so quick to judge who they are by physical characteristics and it's so wrong. There are so many beautiful people all different weights, heights, ages and even hair colour. Appearance does not account to define your beauty it is all about your memories, your personality, the way you are and I could not agree more with these words above. 

Life is beautiful. I think people forget how beautiful life is. Sometimes I'm just walking along and I glance at the sky and I think just how beautiful this world is we live in. I'm sounding like such a preacher now with the post above and this but it's all about the little things in life. The birds tweeting makes me so happy, the sound of rain, the sky, the scenery we have. I honestly believe earth is so beautiful and sometimes we forget that when we're caught up in our own problems.

This is totally my favourite thing ever. I saw this whilst I was living at uni with my best friend and we adore this one. She told me Kate Nash apparently said this! I love it. It totally captures my personality, I like to believe I'm a badass bitch ha! This is definitely one to remember when you're not feeling too confident about those around you. This is another which has stuck with me it's just too fabulous to forget.

This one means so much to me. I've suffered with anxiety and I still do but it's controlled by medication as some of you may know. However, I always remind myself when I have one of those days where I feel really anxious that I will be okay. I have to do this to keep myself sane, I was in such a bad place this time last year and I was fastly losing hope. I never want to go back there again and sometimes I get so scared I will. 

What are your favourite quotes?

CURRENT FAVOURITES: LIPSTICK

The perfect finish to any outfit. My lipstick collection is growing and recently I've added some bright ones to the collection as you can see in the picture above and below. My all time favourite shade will probably Kate Moss' matte lipstick in shade 107. Whenever I'm heading out the house it's more often than not recently I'll put some lipstick on. I always think buying lipstick is a bit risky when you haven't tried them on your lips. It was a risky move purchasing these daring shades but I couldn't refuse as the bright pink ones been on my to buy list for a while now!

Just thought I'd do a few swatches for you of the lipsticks. Very professionally done of course! Really didn't fancy smacking my lips all over my blog although it would've probably help give the true colour of these lipsticks away. Anyway I just wanted you to get the idea of what these shades look like. The red is a GOSH one, the plum colour is the Kate Moss Rimmel one and finally the hot pink is by Bourjois.

GOSH VELVET TOUCH LIPSTICK//SUPERDRUG//£6.49

Here's the GOSH velvet touch lipstick in colour Lambada, this one is a very bright red and I'd say it is an orange toned red lipstick. I do add it does dry matte, my favourite kind of finish. I walked into Superdrug and honestly wanted something a bit different. I'd already set my sights on the Bourjois one I bought but I've been wanting to try an orange toned lipstick for a while now. I was going to be very daring and get an entirely orange coloured lipstick but I got a little scared and played it safe with this one. However, when I got back to my hotel I tried it on and I absolutely love it. I was so impressed, I hardly needed to top this up throughout the day. Baring in mind I wore it from 12pm until 12am. It did such an amazing job. I love this one, definitely worth the money.

 BOURJOIS ROUGE EDITION VELVET LIPSTICK//BOOTS&SUPERDRUG//£8.99

This one is one of the things that when I knew the 3 for 2 offer was on in Superdrug it was a must get. The only way I can describe this is highlighter pink. This Bourjois Rouge Edition Velvet Lipstick colour has been named Ole Flamingo!. I love it on, it's amazing. However, I would not be daring enough to go out with this on, on a day to day basis, I feel it suits me for more of a special event and somewhere where I need to be dressed up. With this one I can't give reviews of staying power and what not because I have yet to wear it out. I am so impressed with the colour of this though although I think there could be on a whole a bigger range of different shades. If you're looking for something bold though definitely check out this range of lipsticks.

RIMMEL KATE MATTE LIPSTICK//BOOTS&SUPERDRUG//£5.49

Now to my all time favourite this is Rimmel Kate Matte Lipstick in shade 107. I've had this over a year at first I wasn't fond of it, oh how times change. I don't think I'll ever get over my love for this one. The only thing that lets me down here is the fact that it just doesn't stay on long enough. I feel that it tends to come off really easy in the middle of the lips and it stays on so long on the outer bit of the lips, really not a good look... This one constantly needs topping up throughout the day. The shade of this one is a winner for me though and the fact it also dries matte is another bonus. The vampy look I absolutely adore all year round. This one is perfect to grunge a summer time outfit up.

What lipsticks are you loving right now?