HONESTY HOUR #5: NIGHTMARES

SOURCE

These honesty hours recently are just basically so negative. I do wish to share my experience with you all though. Know that for now, I am not experiencing any of these topics as much as I was doing the year of 2013. This can only be seen as a positive. However, for all of those people that are reading this blog and are currently experiencing any of the things I've spoken about in my 'Honesty Hour' series, I want you to know that I can relate and I understand what all of this stuff feels like on the emotions.

So here I am yet again writing another Honesty Hour post, these are my favourite to write but I really do try to express as much of my experience as I possibly can with you all without me feeling uncomfortable about it. As I've disclaimed before I do not want sympathy these posts are just stories of hope. With that said I can now share my experience with frequent nightmares.

I am sure you've all experienced nightmares on one occasion or another. I had them quite frequently though at one point in 2013. I must've had 2/3 a week. That doesn't seem much considering some people unfortunately suffer with them terrifically more than I ever did. No matter the frequency though they were horrific to even go through. I'd wake up and I could never get back to sleep. I'd have to sleep with the light on and on some accounts I'd also stay up until it got light outside. I was so scared.

I feel so lucky I never experienced them every single night, I can only imagine what that must be like for the people that suffer every night. The nights I experienced them I'd wake up in a panic, I'd be so still, scared to move. Sometimes I'd wake up crying. I'd try and calm myself down until I felt brave enough to switch a light on. The thing is at time you often have nobody to talk to because it's often early morning. That's the difficult thing, I lived with my Mum at this point but I never liked the thought of going to wake her up. I knew I could have, she made that very clear but I still tried my best not to resort to this.

My nightmares varied, they could be about anything. Some were really trivial, others hit me very hard. After I woke up from a nightmare the only thing I could think about was the nightmare, I was reliving it over and over. I used to often dream about my Granddad who passed away in 2011. These dreams were horrible because he used to look really unhappy with me. They used to really get to me, I always wandered what if he wasn't proud of me. It's silly really, me and my Granddad were so close and he was always proud of me. I had dreams of people close to me dying too and getting chased which is known as a common dream.

I'd like to say now I've not suffered with a nightmare in around 8 months. My anxiety has also been treated within this space of time. I believe I was having frequent nightmares because of my level of stress, my anxiety and just my mindset in general. It's difficult to write this post because I am always scared of jinxing it. They're so hard to deal with, they make you scared to fall asleep at night. Living without the constant fear is much more relaxing and I think my anxiety medication has helped with the decrease in nightmares. All I can say is just believe, keep the hope.

IF YOU ENJOYED THIS YOU MAY ALSO ENJOY: HONESTY HOUR #4: FEELINGS