Honesty Hour posts usually appear on my blog on a Tuesday. However, yesterday I didn't really know what to be honest about... It's important to me though to have continuity and for my Honesty Hour series to continue because they're raw and real. That's me, that's what I want my blog to be about. I want it to symbolise everything I think I am, honest. Honesty Hours are also a favourite of my readers I've found, so having them here to keep you guys happy is definitely something I wish to keep up. I'd call this a writers block but it's only with one post so I'll find my way through this post. I want to write something about strength but I want to do it justice. I don't want to just get something out there and it not be everything that I hope it would be... I do add this one is a long one!
I had a battle with something very big that I've not yet spoken about before in any of my Honesty Hours. I still wish not too. I may share it sometime soon. It feels too private. Put it this way though, I had to keep myself going everyday and keeping strong was really my only option.
If you look into the future I honestly believe you see the worst things. When you're battling something forever seems a very long time to go without something you're craving to do. So taking one day at a time and just thinking about the day is much more helpful rather than overwhelming yourself with the long term. I know the only place I could see myself then fills me with sadness now. That is my biggest piece of advice, take one day at a time. The future is overwhelming enough for someone not fighting a battle let alone someone who is.
How to keep strong is so difficult. I don't think people know how strong they are until their battle is over. When I was battling I never thought I'd get over what it was I thought I'd always have to be that way. Now I'm no longer facing that struggle everyday, it no longer comes across my mind to be so negative. So think of how strong you was yesterday and the day before and realise how strong you are.
Words never really help when you're dealing with something alone. If I could go back I wish I'd of told someone. That's way easier said than done and I know that more than most because I've been there. There was no chance I'd tell my Mum now, let alone then. However, my boyfriend is very supportive of what I went through. Like me then though, I didn't have the luxury of a boyfriend to tell and if he'd of said 'don't do it' I highly doubt that would have worked either. Having someone there though to talk about your problem with though may help. Going at something alone is never easy. Even if you don't listen to them when they say not to do something at least you know they're there to listen. That's something else too, don't tell someone who is just going to force advice upon you, you want someone who will listen. Listening is harder than people think, truly listening.
I so far realise that this is not a positive post saying here's how you keep strength! Anyone who is in a negative place knows how hard keeping faith in yourself is. In all honesty I think you, yourself has to keep strong for yourself. Whatever you're battling I think you have to be in the right mindset to stop or something dramatic has to happen for you to realise what you're actually putting yourself through. My friend noticed something about me that gave me a massive wake up call. I see that as a god send. What I was doing could have only gotten worse. It stopped soon after she noticed.
I get so passionate about people looking at their problem positively but you know what it's so difficult to be happy and strong in a dark time. I always remembered there have been people who had been through what I went through and they're recovering now so there is definitely hope for me. That, I believe, pulled me through as well as keeping myself busy.
There is hope for everyone, with the right mindset and help things work out. I'm not saying I'm completely fixed, I know otherwise. I'm now suffering from anxiety, I'd rather be suffering from that though than what I was going through before. I can control my anxiety, I had no hope of controlling the other. If any of you ever need a chat, do message me I'd be more than happy to listen.
IF YOU ENJOYED THIS YOU MAY ALSO ENJOY: HONESTY HOUR #5: NIGHTMARES
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